I’m so excited to share this guest post from Amber, the brilliant mama behind Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, among other creative endeavors. Truly, the woman is so talented and prolific (and radiantly beautiful) I really ought to hate her just a little but I can’t, well, because she’s my friend.
We got to know each other online when I was completely unable to deal having a hard time with “real life” friendships–feeling all broken and barren and all those good things. My Friends in the Computer and I still talk, and it’s been awesome watching our kids grow up together, even if it’s mostly online. Without further ado, here’s Amber:
So Julie, the owner of this here blog, asked me to guest post. Hi!
Julie and I “met” in a dive bar of a forum that had something to do with peeing on sticks and freaking out. Seven years ago.
We also met in person once. When our first babies were just three months old. And here is that story…
I get a message that Julie will be in town. In my town. Like, where I live. She and Jesse, another local mama, want to meet up. With me. In person.
I’m nervous about this idea because:
I have never met people from online. (What if they are serial killers posing as moms?)
I have not yet gone anywhere with my baby by myself. (What if he poops 37 times?)
But I agree to meet them. Meeting people via online is like, no big deal. Right?
We meet at a bar. A bar. Okay, it has a restaurant in back, but you have to walk through the bar to get to the back room. So three lactating women with tiny babies walk into a bar…
The bartender notices. And barks at me. This was not a good start.
But once I’m in the restaurant, I see them and they wave.
Like a smiling new-mama oasis. There they were! My friends in the computer but in 3D!
I walk up to hug Julie and I notice she has eyeliner on. She looks nice! I’m nervous enough that I worry I’ll do something stupid. Which makes me even more nervous.
When we hug, my gigantic diaper bag swings across a table.
And knocks off ketchup, mustard and one of those red glass candle holders that all dingy restaurants have. Onto the floor. Stupid thing, check.
This only heightens my nervousness.
My brain rattles on about the size of my diaper bag. Does my diaper bag need to be this large? It carries:
Ten cloth diapers, a wetbag, cloth diaper wipes, bottle of water to wet cloth wipes in case there is no water source because that is a serious risk in a restaurant, changing mat, diaper liners, diaper rash cream, 3-4 burp cloths, 2 pairs of baby pants, 2 pairs of socks, 2 short sleeve shirts, zip up hoodie, 2 long sleeve shirts, a blanket, hand sanitizer, thermometer, ziplock bags, giraffe teething toy, several wooden toys, one sunhat and one knit hat.
For a one hour outing, that sounds about right. There really isn’t anything I could have left at home. Or in the car.
Once everything is picked up, we sit and talk. I’m actually having fun! They are cool and just like they are online. Amazing.
We chat about stuff. Poop, naps, nursing bras…you know, standard topics that women discuss when they hang out in a bar.
But then! Something horrible happens!
Their babies start crying. At the same time. I panic. Oh no, their babies are crying! Out loud! In a public place! We’ll have to leave immediately! They will kick us out! They will call the cops!
I expect Julie and Jesse to react in a similar fashion and bolt to the door. But they don’t. They are calm. It is almost like they know what they are doing or something.
Or like crying babies are no big deal. Like it is a natural part of life.
Jesse grabs a nursing cover. Julie fiddles with her nursing tank top hook.
They nurse their babies in public! Like this is no big deal! Jesse doesn’t even need to look to get her baby latched and Julie doesn’t even need to use a cover up thingy she is so good at it.
I am in awe.
My own nursing method is more like this: latch, re-latch, nurse, letdown, baby chokes, unlatch, milk sprays everywhere, latch again. It requires two hands, full concentration and a towel. I can’t fathom pulling this off in public yet.
We talk more. We eat fries.
Eventually, it is time to go.
And we say goodbye and “see you online!”
———————–
That was five years ago. I no longer carry a diaper bag and I have since met many online friends in person. And nursed babies everywhere. But that outing was the shakey start of it all. It was all so new. So unfamiliar. The beginning of me as an independent mother and the beginning of this parenting journey that we have shared together. And are continuing to share together.
And that is a big deal.
Thanks Julie, for having me post here today! See you online! 
And hey, TucsonMama is up for Parents.com “Best Local Mom Blog” and she totally should win. Because I say so. We know it is a pain in the arse to have to register, but hey, you could do it once and then vote for both of us. Double your good karma points instantly! Because I’m up for “Funniest Mom Blog” too. Thank you!
31 responses so far ↓
1 Meredith // Oct 11, 2011 at 11:46 am
I have SOOO been here… Well, not there exactly. I mean, we met at a zoo, but still. It was one of my first times nursing in public, meeting this girl I wasn’t entirely sure I liked. It went great, and we are now besties!
2 Lindsey // Oct 11, 2011 at 11:46 am
That’s really good. Reminiscent of my first few ventures into public as a new mum. Thanks for sharing.
3 Brittany C // Oct 11, 2011 at 11:54 am
That is totally how I am with nursing! Two hands, a thick burp rag, & full concentration! I’m hoping to be able to get the hang of this soon so I can go outside again, I’m getting cabin fever!
4 andrea // Oct 11, 2011 at 11:57 am
i seriously was dying laughing at the contents of your diaper bag LOL my DS is 8 months old and i totally over pack so i know exactly how you described it. maybe i should cut down on what i bring LOL good story!
5 Marnee // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:03 pm
This is exactly how I felt when I went out in public when my babies were small. I thought it would be easier with my second. Granted, I carried less stuff with the second (I needed that arm to wrangle a 3 year old and carrying enough stuff to weigh down a burro wasn’t conducive to toddler wrangling) but I still got nervous with the second too. It got better, but I think we all feel like this when they’re really small. So funny.
6 Barb // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:05 pm
My first time here. I love all the mommy networking going on between various awesome mommy blogs. As always, Amber made me laugh out loud (with the choking baby milk squirting everywhere stuff). Thanks to b oth of you for making this parenting thing so much easier to laugh about!
7 Eric // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:09 pm
I’ve previsously posted Amber’s stuff to my FB page, but am making a point of sending a link to this last post to my son and my two sons-in-law. Partly so’s I can be sure other men are reading this stuff and I won’t feel quite so so creepy or voyeuristic, but mostly because it underscores why most of us don’t get it, at least in the existential sense of the phrase. My God, how could we, having never had the experience of being “latched onto,” as Amber puts it. Still, the insights are much appreciated if not always understood. Keep up the great posting both of you.
8 julie // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:14 pm
We had just driven 7+ hours from Tucson to LA (Linc was 7 weeks old) and our first (non-gas/pee) stop was in a W. Hollywood bar/restaurant to meet two of my friends from the computer and their babies. Yeah, that makes TOTAL sense. But it DID, you know? I couldn’t stand the idea of being so close to them and not meeting them and seeing the babies we’d been talking about since, well, before they were conceived.
9 Liz // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:41 pm
I love my “friends in the computer”
They have made parenting a lot easier.
Well, not easier but it’s nice to know there are loads of other women going through the same stuff
10 julie // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Yes, Barb, laughing is key.
And I agree, Liz–it just makes things easier to know you’re not alone. No matter how weird my latest “issue” is, it turns out someone else has experienced it.
Thanks for stopping by!
11 KC // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm
The breastfeeding part was especially hilarious! I just came back from breastfeeding my 2nd during toddler story time! I love Amber’s blogs. She makes great toys too. I have the prego mama and baby wearing mama wooden dolls.
12 TheFeministBreeder // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm
This is the one reason I love BlogHer – it’s like a giant slumber party with your friends in the computer. Also, alcohol. And free swag. Okay, some of it is stupid crap like 89 water bottles, 6,248 reusable bangs, and countless tubes of branded lip balm. But then there’s the good stuff. And the friends… the friends are great. I love meeting online friends.
And I always do something stupid.
13 TheFeministBreeder // Oct 11, 2011 at 12:58 pm
*Re-usable BAGS, not bangs. See? Told you… always something stupid.
14 Rose // Oct 11, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Thank you for making meeting friends on-line and nursing in public sound manageable! My first on-line friend meeting was while pregnant and it was a double date with both of our husbands. We had a great time! I can’t remember my first nursing in public but it was probably in a grocery store and I was probably frustrated and weepy through the whole experience. Now I do it anywhere and everywhere with no cover or pause in conversation.
15 Starla // Oct 11, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Can I just say I am in love with you! You make my life so HAPPY! I hope you win Funniest Mom Blog…you deserve it!
16 Jo // Oct 11, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Oh, lovely post, Amber. Can I link to it on our bfing blog?
17 sarah // Oct 11, 2011 at 2:27 pm
nice story. =) I remember how nervewracking it was when my baby was a newborn and i had to go even to the store or anywhere. i packed my diaper bag full of everything i could possibly need. i still do sometimes, but now there are times i can leave with just a few wipes and a couple diapers in my purse.
18 sarah // Oct 11, 2011 at 2:27 pm
oh and breastfeeding in public the first times or anytime can be nervewracking too. just know its the best thing for your baby.
19 Janette // Oct 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I’ve always enjoyed Amber’s posts, they are so funny! Now being on baby #3, I’m not really nervous at all about being out in public, but for babies #1 and #2, especially the first one, I was pretty nervous! However, I was fond of the “if you don’t like it, don’t look” motto so I was determined to nurse in public regardless… but it took some getting used to! I also had a diaper bag full of things I never ended up using, and it always got in the way (still does!). I just like to be prepared… much to my husband’s dismay (“I’m not making three trips just to carry in/out all of this stuff you won’t use anyway!”) lol. I think all of us moms go through the same thing when we’re newbies, and it feels good to know that we can connect with others who are going through/have been through the same things!
It’s also great that we can all look back and make fun of ourselves for it! hehehe
20 Jen // Oct 11, 2011 at 2:47 pm
so funny what you are SURE you can’t live without – NOW, I’m lucky to remember to grab a spare diaper and wipes more often I don’t bother then have to stop at the closest place and buy them for premium cost!
Funny side note – My Hubby does this with packing for vacations on the what we need to cart around to make sure we are constantly entertained and never EVER bored, a SMART Phone, a digital camera, a DS, an MP3 player, portable DVD player, travel games, headphones, Kindle, charging stations and cords for all….he does draw the line at ACTUAL Coloring books or paperbacks though….oh oh OH and don’t forget Batteries for when you can’t be near an actual outlet
and actually, I find myself wondering WHY all this when the stinkin’ smart phone pretty much does ALL of that!! And lets you read your favorite blogs too!!
21 Katie // Oct 11, 2011 at 3:17 pm
This is exactly how it is when you first meet “computer friends”. Hilarious!
22 Martin English // Oct 11, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Hey Eric,
You’re not the only guy who follows Amber’s writing. I recognise a lot of what goes on in the ‘mom blogs’, having seen it in real life with our three, but (apart from the quality comedy we get from Amber) it’s also good to be reminded of what my best friend went through
thanks to Amber and Julie
23 Susan // Oct 11, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Breastfeeding in public should be as natural as eating at McDonalds…. Ok not the most healthy analogy. I breastfed a son and daughter 37 and 30 years ago- very expected by my graduate school Mother Earth- hippie friends.But my ignorant and possibly inbred inlaws fled when it was the babe’s mealtime! My biggest gripe (jealousy) is actually the small vs. LARGE breasted breastfeeding Mom. Won’t say which I was, but my friends could discreetly slip babe up under or down their blouse— some didn’t even need bras–arghhhh. I was already large breasted but very petite prepregnant– but pregnancy and lactating took this to unbelievable dimensions. – I looked and felt like a more appropriate place for me was in the milking barn. Besides, having to nearly remove half my blouse, unhook my huge nursing bra- definitely a 2 handed job, babe on his own for awhile. Had to catch this huge leaking breast and gently help those sweet little rose lips latch without choking. Then had to hold back breast tissue so the dear thing didn’t asphyxiate. Then when milk let down and those sweet little eyes looking up at me widened in shock as she began gulping like the best beer guzzler ever. But would I trade breastfeeding my children for anything… oh Hell no.
24 Mom // Oct 11, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Wonderful story. Felt like I was there. xo
25 Vidya Sury // Oct 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm
So enjoyed this post! But then, I enjoy every post at Amber’s. Reminded me of ten years ago, when my son was three and I got a part time job since he started going to play school. For six months, I never realized I was carrying the “BIG BAG” (yeah, I am a big bag kinda person) until a colleague at work asked me what I carried in it. I mean, I only worked there for three hours, so she was dying of curiosity. Only then did I realize that I continued (by habit) to carry the bag with three diapers, two sippers, wipes, towels to wipe, tissues, two sets of spare clothes and what not. Needless to say, everyone laughed about this until I quit the job after 4 years to work from home. Children are such fun!
26 Zoe // Oct 12, 2011 at 6:06 am
I’ve been unable to get my twins to latch on (and stay latched)-and I’m bitter about it. Its currently 5am and I’m up pumping breast milk (8 months now) because I’m determined that they will get the benefits of it even if they won’t take it from the source! Hearing how hard it can be to nurse even one baby helps-I find it soothes my frustration a little. Thanks.
27 Bobbi // Oct 12, 2011 at 11:18 am
While I completely feel for the panic, frustration and embarassment of having a baby at a bar, I was one of the lucky women who was just calm if my baby cried The only time I ever got worked up was when we were out with a few of his male friends. On multiple occasions I have been the one to go to a private room or even the bathroom to nurse if there are a bunch of men around. I am determined to be more proud about nursing. I guess we will have to see when the time comes if I can live up to that!
28 Tepary // Oct 12, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Yeah for friends in the computer. Proud to ‘know’ you both. Julia, Keep up the good stuff sharing all the good stuff going on in Tucson for families with young kids, I’d say young families, but some of us aren’t feeling too young after being up last night with the baby. I really appreciate it and the reflections on parenting from a real perspective.
29 julie // Oct 12, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Hey, my name is Julie, Tepary. You should know that…;)
30 monty's milk truck // Oct 14, 2011 at 5:35 am
soooooo i’ve made it an fb status game to post everywhere i nurse in public, even hooters.
31 Phyllis // Oct 14, 2011 at 9:00 am
Thanks for the laugh, Julie and Amber. I guess things haven’t changed all that much over the years – except for meeting people on line. Your post sure brought back memories for this great-grandma.